You say ‘sorry’ too much. Now apologise!
Nick Robinson, the BBC’s political editor has apologised over threatening to murder a cockerel on Twitter. I mean the threat was on twitter, as opposed to the cockerel. That would be ridiculous, a cockerel on twitter. I digress- moving on.
After been woken he tweeted that he was ‘contemplating murder- the Suffolk countryside isn’t big enough for me and the b****y cockerel who is sat outside my window at 5am.’
Desperate to turn a story out of nothing the press then harangued the farmer who owns the bird. It doesn’t report this section of course, I’m just imagining how the hell something so inane could end up being deemed to be news worthy. Safe to say the likely route was to deprive the farmer (Nick Egerton, who owns the bird) of any context and just ask ‘so, what do you think about Nick Robinson wanting to kill your live stock , hey, hey, hey?’
Brilliantly the media has managed to generate two slants from a story that doesn’t have enough content for one. Many will be reading it thinking ‘the bastard just don’t understand the ways of the countryside,’ while others will be thinking ‘the bastard just don’t understand the ways of twitter.’
Clearly it was a joke (or just a vent of frustration, something I’m all too familiar with) and any reasonable person in possession of the full facts could have gleaned this. But that doesn’t fill space in a media black hole that never gets satiated. So now we have, not only something that was a local story (in fairness it could have been front page news for them) but that got space in the hefty (too hefty if they’re publishing this kind of shite) Independent.
Queue an online debate at the bottom of the article where people will divide into the ‘countryside alliance’ and the ‘freedom of expression’ factions. Plus a healthy and largely ignorant smattering of ‘political correctness gone mad’ brigade thrown in for good measure. Aside from the arbitrary cock jokes (I’m childish, and thoroughly enjoyed these) the best and most succinct comment was ‘NOT NEWS.’ How very true.
Finally, Nick Robinson explained and apologised and all was settled.
I understand that Nick Robinson may crave a quiet life. I understand that diplomacy may be better than the alternative. But just once I’d like a story like this to end with the person at he centre releasing the following statement:
Fuck you and the horse you rode in on! I’m not fucking well sorry for expressing my frustrations on twitter. As we slide further and further into the abyss the fact that people need to have the phrase ‘only joking’ after every comment has me weeping for the future of mankind. You people really need to be licensed to have library cards and should only be allowed on the internet with a chaperone. If any fuckers want to make something of this then step outside and I’ll kick your arse from here to Sussex and back.
Funny thing is I reckon most people could take Nick Robinson in fight. Dot Cotton (that’s both of my US readers alienated) would be odds on favourite at the bookies if they were to square off. But I still think the uptake on the offer would be zero, just like the value in the story. Because nobody, really thought that Nick Robinson, was contemplating roostercide.
Still, guess it gives me something to prattle on about for another fun pact entry.